Saturday, February 14, 2015

Grandpa Daddy

My husband found gray hair in his beard. 

I suggested he dye the whole thing white and get a cane. He did not see the humor in him being the dirty old man and me the sweet young tenderoni for our Valentine's Day outings. 

Im pretty sure I'm on timeout. Since there's nothing else to do in the corner all day, I'm going to list the top 4 reasons, him going gray isn't a huge deal.

#1 - Men are notorious for getting hotter as they age.  While most women end up wrinkling faster than a dried out grape, men suddenly become "distinguished," "dignified" and "debonair" (and other words I'm sure don't begin with D) once a little salt and pepper pops up in their mane.

Age 49

Age 50

#2 - If he looks older, chances are we can make the most of those Senior Citizens discounts that seem to be handed out all willy nilly.  Old people get a lot of free stuff.  I don't know if its because they smell like Metamucil or nobody wants a gang of Depends-wearing OGs running amok in their business, but old folks are treated right.  I'm thinking if Big B decks himself out in his nicest leisure suit and a good pair of sensibly cushioned white shoes, we could hit up our local Denny's for the low-low.  This turns me on simply because I'm a gal who likes a deal.  Pancakes for close to Free.99?  Trust me, panties will be dropping.

#3 - Older men with younger, hot women (I'm talking about me, by the way...shut up) get major props.  Other guys think you're The Man, other women think you must be mysterious, a great lover, or hell...just rich.  Either way, win/win here.

#4 - Old people get to do whatever the hell they want.  They talk back, curse, fart and get to fall asleep at random intervals and nobody can say anything because elder abuse is a crime.  My husband loves doing all of the above. Playing an old fogey gives him free reign to crop dust whenever he likes and not get negative feedback from passersby.

So as you can see, there are a number of completely rational reasons for an otherwise young man to pretend to be older.  It's smarter, practical and economical.  Once he realizes all of this, I will await his heartfelt apology.  Until then, I'll bide my time in this corner *sigh* all alone.

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