Monday, January 4, 2016

15 Greats of 2015

With 2015 at a close, all of the deep thinkers are getting introspective and profound. That's what watching your life quickly Whip & Nae Nae past does to you. It makes a mofo all sentimental and shit. I've been reading the posts of some really good writers as they reflect & pontificate and cite 12 months of growth and evolution...meanwhile I'm wondering if I can still serve the kids this refrigerated turkey from Christmas.

But hell, I'm nothing if not a team player. I can say deep stuff make complete sentences with the best of them. And in all honesty, for an angry bitch of a year, 2015 was also very educational. And you can't be upset with lessons learned, I still have my babies, most of my health and (arguably) a good portion of my sanity so there's crap to be appreciative of.

In my bid to spread positivity....or maybe just waste a few minutes on a Monday you're not gonna use that wisely anyway, take a gander at my list of 15 Things I'm Thankful for From 2015:

15 - I'm thankful to close out 2015 at my lowest weight of the year! Sure, I've been diagnosed with pneumonia and I've been on a liquid diet for 3 days, but hey, way to get to the right place down the wrong path!

14 - I'm thankful that baby Parker has such a great sense of humor and really "gets" me. I know she thinks I'm hilarious because every time I tell her I refuse to keep nursing a 15 month old, she just laughs and laughs and we have that going for us.

13 - I'm thankful for Spanx because faux nude colored sausage casings just make me feel damn sexy.

12 - I'm thankful for a 3 year that requests that I still wipe his butt after he poops. Something to be said for cleanliness, I guess?

11 - Yellow Laffy Taffys. They are delicious and the color of sunshine. You are stupid if you don't love them.

10 - I'm thankful for vasectomies. Because of them, my husband doesn't have to wake to me standing over him with a butter knife anymore (it was just the one time...mainly for a joke).

9 - Technology. Because: duh. Who wants to talk to their kids ALL day?! I'd like to have the option of gluing them in front of those respectable Little Einstein nerds. They lack parental supervision, like to the point of perhaps having DCFS called in, but gosh the adventures you can have in your very own submarine in the sky.

8 - In that same vein, I'm thankful for Daniel Tiger (the new favorite in my home). Dear Lord, thank you for delivering my youngest child from the assholery that is Caillou. Thank you that she does not tolerate his whiny ways and cries when he comes upon my television set. Not another Brown in this house shall be swayed by his wicked pathetic little ways. Ahhhh-men.

7 - I'm thankful for an almost 6 year old that is a true reflection of myself. Every sassy, quick witted, smart mouthed little cell in my body. She. Is. Me. That is what I tell myself whenever I begin to get angry...she's only showing you a picture of yourself, Brittni...can't get mad at that, right? My therapist says I cannot.

6 - I'm thankful for tuxedos...which I just found out look AH-mazing on me. Who knew?!

5 - Creaking stairs. I'm thankful for the stairs outside the baby's room that creak with every-fucking-step I even THINK of taking. Why, you ask? Because they give me pause. Do I really want to get up and get a snack in the middle of the night if it might wake her? Whenever I have to walk down those stairs, I have to take a deep breath and re-think my ENTIRE damn life in a second...what are my priorities...what are my goals...what will be the return on investment of this it worth it? This is existential shit, y'all.

4 - I'm thankful for friends that show up. And even those that don't. As a grown up I still find myself torn about relationships, ones I wish I had, ones that I wish were different. But I'm learning more just to let people be. When you see where they are, love them there and breathe. I'm getting better about not pulling them in further than they want or deserve to be and hopefully that will leave space for anyone that needs to be closer.

3 - I'm thankful for the lady that stands outside and directs parking lot traffic during my kid's school pickup hour. This one time, two mini vans almost had a car horn fight...which was pretty funny to me, but seemed to annoy the band teacher who was leading practice after school. So...ya's to being an adult and stuff.

2 - I'm thankful for a family that makes me laugh and cry on most days.

1 - And I'm most thankful for timing. My own. And learning it. And not judging myself by yours.

Happy New Year.

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