Shit or Seek: Potty Training Parenting Fails

There is no panic so great as that which fills my body when I find a discarded diaper on the floor after I've temporarily lost sight of my toddler. It's a little game she invented called Shit or Seek.

In the Meantime

Rambling stream of consciousness ahead:

I was getting ready to share a post; a link to a blog I’d written. I looked it over one more time and saw all these smiling faces looking back from the pictures I’d included. I skimmed my words again, jumping from anecdote to anecdote and stopped. It seemed so silly. So stupid, really.

Suddenly I felt that familiar shadow, the one that hangs overhead whenever something happens that makes no sense to me. I felt the heaviness that settled in once more yesterday and, instinctively, I held my breath. It’s a common feeling now for me, that tightness in my gut and strain on my chest. It makes me, a 5’4 stay-at-home mom with 3 carseats in the backseat clench the steering wheel a little tighter when I pass a police car, or yell for the kids to stop running and being so playful (acting like children, I suppose) when we’re out in public, it makes me choose my words carefully when I’m talking to my white friends (so as not to offend and appear unnecessarily angry).

It’s an all-consuming fear that stays at the back of my mind these days and even when there are no sensational stories in the news, it nags at me.  That worry and dread that take over and leave me awake at night are powerful, they can wash everything else away. Until the only thing that seems to matter is the bad and the evil and the worry about what the next crazy thing will be. But as I looked again at that blog, and those silly words and smiling faces, I remembered that my sanity matters too.

So while I know everyone is in a certain mindset, and that all this shit that’s going on is threatening to make your head and your heart dark places, know that I’m right here with you. Fighting through it, struggling to see the light and hoping to make it to the other side.

I say all that, so that when you see me post these silly blogs, or share crazy stories about my kids, or pictures where everyone is laughing, you don’t think that I’m ignoring these current events. I’m just trying to get back to my light.  It’s so, so important to my family for me to stay out of the darkness.  And even if it’s temporary, I want to share some of that light with you. So read (or don’t read), but take a break from time to time, and find your happy again so you can stay lifted up.

You can’t fight if you can’t stand.

First Love

I have quite a few friends that are relishing in the wonder and awe that comes with being parents to a first child. Seeing the world through the innocence of a tiny being that you created is the closest thing to heaven on earth. It’s overwhelmingly magical and pure. Something so much deeper than anything you can really put into words.

What everyone thinks a baby’s 1st photo shoot will look like. Photo Cred: L. Hyche

A Rainbow Brown Birthday

You guys, Parker turned 2 and I have ALL the feelings.  Some of which left me researching retro-active birth control when her tantrums got too out of control. Why are 2 year olds such jerks?! But I digress...

Doing the Thing

I remember it like it was yesterday: picture it, Sicily, 1922…oh, wait, wrong story. Old age, I tell ya.

Let’s try that again: A few weeks ago, sunny Marietta, GA – all 3 kids and I were standing in line at the ice cream shop. No small feat since 2 of my 3 are walking allergy-magnets, which usually cuts down on edible alternatives on the go. But I was feeling (uncharacteristically) generous for a change, so I’d called around, found one of the more trendy gluten-free, dairy-free, taste-optional locales nearby and we set out on our frozen-themed adventure.

Full Disclosure

Dear Stranger,

I write this as a gift to you. I keep running across these overly emotive literary pieces where mommies talk about the ways their kids light up their lives and give meaning to their existence. Or articles on the funny things little ones do that make our days complete. It’s enough to trick the childless masses into believing that life with kids is somehow better.

To that I say, #Lies.

Wanna know what they don’t tell you in those birthing classes: all the ways your parenting styles won’t matter AT ALL. Kids, for the most part, are just really bad, short people. And there’s nothing you can do about it. You can try all you want to instill morals and values. Won’t make a lick of difference though. Little Timmy is still gonna be a psycho when he grows up.  And somehow when he’s bathing in chocolate milk and stalking his 3^rd ex-wife, people will magically find a way to blame you.