Hunger Games

If my marriage had a central theme, it could be summed up in a conversation my husband & I had last night. 

B: I think I'm still hungry, you?

Me: Not really. You goin' downstairs to get something?

B: I think so. I want a brownie, but I should probably just eat an orange. 

Me: Then get the orange.

B: Man, but your brownies were good. 

Me: You'll feel better about yourself if you eat an orange. 

B: You're probably right. *walks out*

[5 minutes later]

B: Um, yeah...so the brownies are gone.

Me: Yeah, I ate the last one for breakfast. 

B: You didn't want to mention that?

Me: You didn't ask...and I told you to get the orange. 

B: No, you said I'd feel better if I got the orange.

Me: Right, you see how sad you are now that you tried to get the brownies? I wanted to save you from that. 

B: *sigh*

He really has to learn to listen better, dontcha think.

Dinner with Schmuck's

Dinner at Grandma's: 

Me: Ashton don't take another sip of water. If no one wants to finish dinner you can go to bed early.
Ashton: Maaaaan!
Roman: Me too?!
Me: Yes, you! You had better eat everything on that plate! *walking away*
[returning to kitchen]
Me: Where is your brother?
Ashton: Playing. He said he was done. *smirk*
Me: Well, did he finish his din- What is this?
Ashton: You said he had to finish what was on his plate. So he put his green beans on the table instead.
Me: *sigh*
Mom: *walking in* You gotta admit, the boy is learning.
Me: *silence*

‪#‎SheWouldveSlappedTheBlackOffMe‬
‪#‎ThisIsSomeBull‬

Team Daddy

On occasion I feel the need to leave the house without a child attached to my leg (or my teat). I make sure to live it up while I'm gone; you know, bypass the toy aisle at Target or dare to go inside the convenience store to pay for my gas...anything to really appreciate the time alone and remind myself that I'm an adult woman who occasionally Word Girl when there are no children in the room.

Big Mama

I have a really weird relationship with fitness.  On the one hand, I just can't get into exercise.  I dread going to the gym and the idea of running a mile or two tires me out before I even hit the pavement.  And then on the other hand...well the other hand is holding a Snickers bar, so let's ignore that hand.

Home Sweet Home

My father came down for an (extremely rare) visit with my mom so I decided to double up on my efforts to persuade them to move to Atlanta.

Dad: Where are we going now?

Me: Just ride. I wanna show you guys something. 

Mom: Oh, this is a cute little neighborhood. Where are we?