Marriage Matters: Minimum Wage

Benny walked past the laundry room while I was sorting clothes. We both looked at the ground at the same time. 

Me: Hey!
B: Hey - five dollars! *snatch*
Me: Wait that was mine! 
B: What are you talking about, I told you I lost some money two days ago!
Me: No, finders keepers! I'm the one sittin' here doing the daggone laundry.
B: *looks around* But you're washing MY clothes!

Me: *snatches it back* Yeah, and you should be ashamed you're only paying me five dollars! *walks away*
B: *sigh*

‪#‎IndenturedServantsUnite‬

Convos with Kiddies: Mind Over Matter

Ashton: Mommy I wanna watch tv.
Me: It's not tv time, go play.
Ashton: There's nothing to play with. I wanna watch Doc McStuffins.
Me: Ashton, good grief. Go play with your brother. All the toys in this house and you can't find something to do? Go draw, create something! Use your imagination.
Ashton: *sigh* Fine.
*she sits cross legged on the floor with her eyes closed*
Me: What are you doing?
Ashton: I'm using my imagination.
Me: Ok, good *sits in front of her* What are we imagining?
Ashton: I'm imagining I'm watching tv.
Me: :-|

 

#‎ComeGetThisChild‬

Mushy Mommy Monday: Back to School

Dear Ashton,

My most inquisitive little minion you are. Gosh, you keep me on my toes with all of your questions. Some of them are easier to answer ("How come you make meatloaf all the time?"), others - the ones that make me sigh the loudest - are a bit more difficult ("Why do you get to stay up and watch tv when we have to go to bed?"). But tonight, on the eve of your first day of kindergarten, I have a few questions for you, young lady - let's see how you like being on the receiving end.

Hunger Games

If my marriage had a central theme, it could be summed up in a conversation my husband & I had last night. 

B: I think I'm still hungry, you?

Me: Not really. You goin' downstairs to get something?

B: I think so. I want a brownie, but I should probably just eat an orange. 

Me: Then get the orange.

B: Man, but your brownies were good. 

Me: You'll feel better about yourself if you eat an orange. 

B: You're probably right. *walks out*

[5 minutes later]

B: Um, yeah...so the brownies are gone.

Me: Yeah, I ate the last one for breakfast. 

B: You didn't want to mention that?

Me: You didn't ask...and I told you to get the orange. 

B: No, you said I'd feel better if I got the orange.

Me: Right, you see how sad you are now that you tried to get the brownies? I wanted to save you from that. 

B: *sigh*

He really has to learn to listen better, dontcha think.

Dinner with Schmuck's

Dinner at Grandma's: 

Me: Ashton don't take another sip of water. If no one wants to finish dinner you can go to bed early.
Ashton: Maaaaan!
Roman: Me too?!
Me: Yes, you! You had better eat everything on that plate! *walking away*
[returning to kitchen]
Me: Where is your brother?
Ashton: Playing. He said he was done. *smirk*
Me: Well, did he finish his din- What is this?
Ashton: You said he had to finish what was on his plate. So he put his green beans on the table instead.
Me: *sigh*
Mom: *walking in* You gotta admit, the boy is learning.
Me: *silence*

‪#‎SheWouldveSlappedTheBlackOffMe‬
‪#‎ThisIsSomeBull‬