Ring The Alarm

*pop* Eyes wide open. What happened? Is it morning? 

Too dark. Ok, Brittni, go back to sleep. *turn* Just go back to sleep, breathe.

What’s that noise? The baby monitor is loud, I should turn it down. No, don’t move again. You won’t be able to fall back to sleep.

Ok, here goes, drift back off.

*sniffle* I wonder what time it is. Maybe it’s close to morning, then it would make sense why I’m so alert. Check the time.

No! If you look at the phone screen, you’ll never fall asleep. Don’t do it.

*pause* I’ll just check really quickly.

2:07 AM

Shit. Not morning yet. That’s ok, that’s ok. Oh wait, I have an email. Maybe it’s something important. Are there things of importance at 2:00 in the morning? Put the phone down.

You know what? Maybe I should pee. Yeah, my bladder is full, I’ll pee and then I’ll be relaxed. But if I pee, I’ll get cold. Can’t go to sleep cold. Oh no, now I actually have to pee. Maybe I should hold it, I bet the bathroom is cold. 

Don’t be an idiot, go pee.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, pee, shit, shit, shit, shit. Does the toilet always flush this loud? Rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, run back to bed, run!

Ok, breathe, relax now. Bladder is empty, nowhere near time for the alarm, go back to sleep. Benny is asleep. Good for him. 

He’s breathing like a rhinoceros though. How am I supposed to fall asleep to that? I should ask him how he expects me to sleep next to a person who breathes like that. No, I’ll ask him tomorrow. Just relax, go to sleep.

Did I iron the kids’ clothes? Where is the iron? No. Those sweaters don’t need ironing. I wonder who invented the iron. No, just go to sleep. Everything is fine.

If you go to sleep now you'll still be in a good mood for the morning. I only have a few things to do tomorrow, so that's a plus. I’m not stressed. Right? Am I stressed? Is that why I’m awake? No, I’m fine. Everything is fine. Go to sleep. 

I hate these sheets. We should buy more sheets. I should check Amazon for sheets.

I’m just gonna see who’s on Instagram, then I’ll probably bore myself to sleep. 

Don’t be an idiot. It’s the middle of the night. Do some deep breathing and go back to sleep. You’re going to regret this. 

If you fall asleep right now, you'll be fine. Do the math. You can fix this.

*pause*

*alarm*

What? What happened? Did I sleep? Is it morning? What happened? Dammit, I’m exhausted!